The Diaries of the other Lily Potter
by sheshsopno
Summary: The life of Lily Potter as she stands up to the Wizarding world, as a model against the discrimination that now destroys what is left of the world after the Final Battle. As prejudice, colors the lives of those who still live in it…L/S


My name was Lily Luna Potter.

God, that is such a clichéd line, I know, but for all purposes it's also the truth. Note, that I say that it is my name and not who I am.

Confused?

So was I, until about five hours ago.

You see five hours ago, my life as I knew it changed, to quote another clichéd line, 'for better or for worse'.

Let me tell you a little about myself, I know what you're thinking, 'I already know all about you. You are Hero Potter's littlest baby, the apple of his eye, the essence of goodness, and sweetness…and what not.'

Now don't get me wrong, I adore my father.

I love him, he's my dad you know, the person who snuck me chocolate chip cookies when mum grounded me, the person who screened my dates (what few of them made it past James and Albus that is).

He was the one person I could tell about my hopes and dreams and actually get constructive criticism from, instead of just laughter, or a very motherly 'you can do it'.

He's my _dad_, I just wish he had more time to be my _dad._

Most people who know me, allow me to rephrase, most people who know _of_ me, think I lead a charmed life. That my life is basically a real life fairy-tale

I did.

Once upon a time, I really did.

I lead a life, where mummy, was well _mummy_, you know, perfect, except of course, those moments of tragedy in every fairytale. In my case the moments when I didn't want to study, or drink my milk, and whenever a disaster like that would occur, the day was of course saved by my dragon slaying father, who would 'save the world and be home for dinner' so to speak.

Life was beautiful, it was a miracle, and it was all an illusion, as I soon learned.

You know when they say that the teen years are the toughest in your life, they really are not joking! And contrary to my beliefs they are not merely talking about your grades, which is not to say their not horrible to maintain either.

It's like you go to sleep one day and when you wake up nothings the same.

Well at least that's how it was with me.

I was home on Christmas vacation, it was my third year at Hogwarts I was finally getting over the whole being a Potter thing, and finding out how to distinguish 'friends' from the real thing, which of course was till then my life's greatest tragedy.

Dad wasn't home, apparently he had to drop by the office for a file of some sort, he had apparently left my mother a message that he might be late.

That, was the day my life changed. The last moment I was ever _just_ Lily Potter.

It's amazing to even think back, amazing that one moment could change everything you knew, everything you had, so _completely_.

I was going to floo in to dad's office, when a brilliant idea came to mind, I was going to surprise him. Yeah, trust me I do once again, know exactly what you're thinking, dumb teenager.

Yup, definitely dumb, or so I thought for almost four years after I saw my best friend's mother draped around my father.

Oddly enough, it was little more than 8 months later that I found out about the idle fling she and my dad had back at Hogwarts when they were kids.

Okay fine, now I'm being a bitch, I guess, sharing grief over, one dead boyfriend aka person you watch die, can constitute of a bit more then a fling.

Guess that kind of thing never really goes away, eh?

Actually that's me eight year's later saying that, I believe back then the state of mind was more – All men are chauvinistic, unfaithful, lying bastards, and well let's say I best not go in reference to what I thought about Mrs. Cho Chang Toodle.

Not a very logical, I know, but you can't really expect more from a 13 year old.

You see remember when I said that my life changed after that moment, here's how, for almost a year I watched silently, as my once perfect father, cheated on my mother, with my mum none the wiser.

I was never able to look at him after that, hell I couldn't even act normal around him. It's almost funny actually; people around me simply assumed I was going through a phase, while all this time I was hiding this 'huge' secret, I couldn't tell anyone, who would I tell?

My friends? When I'm still wondering who exactly they are, not likely. Didn't help, that one of their mother's was the 'other woman' in my story.

My brother's? Please, like that would have helped, James well…James would have yelled and Albus would have brooded.

My uncles? I hated my dad, but I wasn't quite reconciled to a funeral just then.

My mother? For some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to do it, to tell my mother would be like being the defaulter. You know, like being the person who separated them, it wasn't something I could live with.

So I told the one person I could.

My father.

Not in so many words, but more like in deceptively innocent comments. This would be where my years of friendship with Slytherin's showed it's color.

It was I suppose, excruciating for my father to have been put so deliberately on the spot so many times.

Not knowing what I knew, or what I would say.

In all honesty I can't say I pitied him then, I was out for revenge, you see. For what he did to my mum, to our family, but most importantly, what he did to me.

He made me grow up.

My idol, my hero, had feet of clay. Not an easy reality to accept when you're thirteen.

Fortunately I didn't have to pretend for much longer, next year a week or so after my father's birthday, mum found a lipstick stained handkerchief, and confronted dad.

Sometimes I think he was waiting to be found out, that sub-consciously he wanted it, that he couldn't live with what he was doing. But he couldn't fess up to it either.

At least that's what I chose to believe.

Six months later they divorced.

You would think that having this dirty secret out in the open would make it easier to bear, you have no idea how wrong you would be.

You see, there is this one factor that most adults forget during this interlude of marriage and separation.

Children.

They don't do it out of malice, or hate or even conscious thought, as I now know, but more out of a desperation to find themselves.

Unfortunately that changes little when _you_ are the child in question.

My father left to accept the Auror Security Analyst position with the White House, and left for about two years, on what he called a 'self imposed exile'.

When he came back, we were to move in with him while mum 'got herself together' another two year jaunt.

In total it took my parents four years to realize that passing your children about like pieces on a chessboard just might not be a very bright idea. You know harmful to their mental growth, their fragile state of mind and what not.

But you see, by the time they realized, there were no more 'children' so to speak in the Potter household.

James, had been of age at the time of the divorce and despite wanting to go off as I half expected him too, stuck around for the two years dad left, I think he was trying to be man of the house if you get what I mean.

It was mum leaving two years later that hurt him, I think that maybe I was reconciled to the fact that you're parents are 'human' so to speak, that they aren't the models of perfection we know them to be, because it didn't hurt as much when mum left, dad cried when I said that in a therapy session a few months ago, but the truth was, I had reconciled myself to disappointment to such a state, that I was actually expecting it, waiting for it. It was a little chalkboard in my head, who would be next, dad, mum…and then?

Anyway, James left home then, he joined Naval command so that he could stay as far away from home as he could. You can't blame him, if it wasn't the parent's yelling at each other it was the press hounding you.

The pains of the rich and famous.

Albus, was also of age by the time we moved in with dad, he stayed around for a few months, until he had a horrid fight with him one day.

It was shocking, really, to hear Albus raise his voice like that, much less to dad. He was always the quiet kind.

As for me, well I was just me, I passed out of Hogwarts, and went on to further study as a Healer in Madam Holstaff's Academy, in fact I boarded there for my entire 3 yrs of training.

And in those three years, I made few friends and had no relationships.

Actually, it took a very old friend to point that out, and old Slytherin friend to be specific.

A friend I met with in the flesh almost three years later. A friend I then at that moment felt the most dangerous attraction towards, almost a compulsion to touch, to feel.

Scorpius Malfoy, you see, was on of the few people, who hadn't bugged me continuously about what was going on with my parents, he was one of the few people I had been able to get any constructive advice from, and as a result had become one of the only people I depended on.

It was soon after I realized that, that I began to distance myself from him, I was too afraid of being hurt again.

Being attracted to him of course didn't help.

So I ran.

Well metaphorically of course, literally it was more of a seclusion thing.

It didn't last long, lemme tell you one thing about Malfoy's, you probably didn't read in The Prophet.

They are very, very persistent.

In the end we had moved in together, or rather he had quite literally moved me into his penthouse suite, when I got a letter from both my parents. It was about Albus and James, Albus had OD-ed on some sort of an addictive potion, while James had been suspended for Anger management issues.

It was time, they both told me, that 'we' as a family meet with a therapist.

And after six days of Scorpius pestering me I finally agreed to see my family again.

It is after 3 long weeks of therapy, that I finally find the strength to speak my mind as I do now.

And here is what I found, at thirteen I was a child, an idealist, searching for perfection, in an imperfect world.

I hated my father, I blamed him, for these past years for not merely what sins he had committed, in the eyes of the Creator, but for opening my eyes to this world of imperfection, and flaws. I blamed him because he was my ideal, he was my measure for all that was good, and it was a burden I had no right to put on him.

As a result I began blaming everyone I knew, for faults I had once seen fit to overlook.

And the fault was not theirs…but mine.

Commitment phobia, I believe was the term used by the head Healer.

Not that that, meant much to me at the time, all I could see was a black cloud of anger, depression, and even denial.

My name was Lily Luna Potter, and I did not know who I was.

Until one day, Scorpius, took me on a little trip down memory lane. Except in this trip I didn't see, the mistakes that I had begun to hate everyone for, but the one's they didn't make that I had once loved them for.

He said something to me that day, that I will never, as long as I live, forget. I don't know if it was a line, or a broom sticker, or even a T-shirt slogan, but I do know what they were.

He said, "If you still believe enough to be able to pray, pray, that God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I am a better person today for having had the privilege to know Scorpius Malfoy. I knew him for less than fifteen of his twenty-six years, and still I can say, without hesitation that a more amazing man I have never known.

I cannot even begin to imagine the man he would have become in another fifteen years.

I stand here today, a new person because of what my husband sought, his entire life, acceptance, and change.

He was a man of outstanding courage and common belief's. He believed, that this divided world we now live in could be one.

And one mustn't delusion oneself, our world today is as divided as it was during Voldemort's reign.

Then it was Mud-blood's and Pure blood's.

Today it is the 'light' versus the 'dark', what many forget is that we stand now almost 30 years after the final battle.

There is no light and dark.

There are no death-eaters, there are decedents, and they are no more their parents than I am mine.

Or my husband was his.

Scorpius Malfoy died, because someone, from the 'light' decided to commit murder, and however one may chose to dress that up, the word shall stay the same 'murder'.

There are no shades of grey about that, murder is murder.

Scorpius Malfoy touched my life in a way so profound that I fail to find words adequate to describe it.

He was a great man.

And my life as Lily Luna Potter Malfoy, was richer for having known him.


End file.
